


Bedroom Shenanniganery

by drakro



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Prolly., does this count as a crackfic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28296810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drakro/pseuds/drakro
Summary: Everything was fine with their new situation. Great even! Except one thing…
Relationships: Fred Bonaparte/Boyd Cooper/Edgar Teglee/Gloria Von Gouton
Kudos: 4





	Bedroom Shenanniganery

Perhaps it may escape one’s notice at first, but there are no beds built for four, exceptionally oddly proportioned persons. This is a shame as, contrary to popular belief, there is actually a market for such.  
Take this one odd coupling of the ex-inmates of the, now defunct, mental hospital, Thorney Towers. The first time they tried to sleep in one bed was in a motel room just after an explosion incapacitated their former home. Needless to say, it didn’t turn out too great. Fred, the tallest of the bunch, simply wouldn’t have fitted on the bed, even without the outside influence of there being three more people trying to sleep in the same. And Edgar, though he would have been able to fit if he had curled up like some sort of overgrown cat and if he were alone, was also not able to fit with the others. Gloria and Boyd, however, were both able to fit in relative comfort. So, the former two were forced to sleep on the floor for the night, with Fred using Edgar as a pillow, and Edgar using Fred as a stand-in teddy bear. Now this, though they are indeed quite impressively young for the some odd fifty-five years they spent in their former prison, was not fun for them. In the slightest.  
The next time they attempted to do so, they were yet again disappointed. To make matters worse, it was a king size. It also happened to be one that they stuck with out of sheer bullheadedness and a lack of options. It fit them, of course, or they wouldn’t have kept it for as long as they did. However, every night was a game of Tetris, and any more interesting acts than sleeping were strictly prevented. And while this was, at first, rather annoying, soon everyone had built up a habit of thinking of that bed with blinding rage. Edgar even painted it as the devil. Multiple times.  
Their next arrangements, they already knew, would be terrible. And it shocked exactly no-one that they were. You see, through no fault of their own, they were recruited by a not-so top secret government agency to train the great psychic minds of the future. The ethics of such an operation notwithstanding, it was a rather cushy gig. They even got to see the person who was at least partially responsible for helping them sort through some of their mental problems, despite the ongoing issues they still had. However, they were all stuck in bunk beds. Incredibly tiny bunk beds, which wouldn’t allow for them to sleep together in any way, nor to sleep comfortably alone. And, in the aforementioned cases of the most oddly proportioned of the bunch, to sleep in one at all. He still wasn’t sure that it was worse than their own bed, however.  
It was this realization that spurred him to bring up the possibility to the others of looking into a new bed. And, after some objections (admittedly made out of the stubbornness that I mentioned before) they all agreed that, yes, their bed had to be replaced. What a tragedy. Though, (un)fortunately for them, they didn’t have to say goodbye to their monstrosity yet, as, even after looking through 27 stores, and calling to inquire with 13 more, they failed to find one to meet their needs.  
Not so coincidentally, it was around the time of their inquiries that they decided to spend most of their free time taking up classes in woodcarving, and into learning the most interesting art of mattress-making. And, in the end, they did end up making one hella-sweet bed, adorned with carvings of themselves, their names, and other little tributes to the same, which were all painted in vibrant colors that shone in the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, yeah. I got pulled into this hole and now there's not hope for me. Please take my advice and get out while you still can. Hope y'all enjoyed.


End file.
